A Journey from Underconfidence to Self-Belief

While scrolling the Facebook, I saw a picture of a Lady Statue. It reminded me of my first ever presentation in University. The presentation was on the topic “Matriarchy and Patriarchy”. This statue represents security and success, fertility, and a mother goddess. We have used this picture in our presentation, so it flashed all the memories in my mind.

Those were the starting days of my university and it was the presentation for gender studies. I was studying Mass Communication, a degree I didn’t choose. It was the Allah Almighty who selected this degree for me. I don’t know why but I think that’s how it is.

I was always an under-confident and almost a non-talkative girl. And this girl have to present her topic in front of a class with almost the strength of 45 students. I have presented my topic, but I was a bit confused and whenever I am confused and it is 100% prominent on my face. The overall presentation was good but the confusion of my face has destroyed it all. Our professor, Ma’am Nabiha, as usual, tried to encourage me (like any good teacher would do). I have given my best that day but at that time I haven’t learned to have a control on myself. Then the presentation ended and my class fellows too tried to encourage me which increased that confusion and guiltiness going on in my heart. So I started crying because it was the only way for me to go back to normal.

Whenever there’s anything that’s overwhelming me in any sense and I am unable to bear it, the only way for me to relax myself is to cry and vent out everything in those tears. Now, I am no more like this, but still there are sometimes when it happens nowadays too. I have improved myself a lot and I am proud of that about myself. In this journey, studying Mass Communication has helped me a lot. The theories of mass communication have helped me to understand myself in a better way. Which in turned helped me to overcome my personality shortcomings.

Although studying Mass Communication hasn’t helped much in becoming a journalist, it has helped me to understand myself. Studying Mass Communication has helped me become a new person, but this new person is like a newborn baby, curious about everything. This child has just started communicating but she does not know how to communicate effectively. You can understand this statement better if you will focus how a child learns communication. When a child starts talking, they will do whatever comes to their mind and will slowly learn how to communicate effectively in society. I am in the former phase of that child. But the good thing is that now I know who I am and I am trying my best to be a better person with every passing day. In this phase I know what my mistakes are and what I am doing right, but that curiosity becomes a hurdle sometimes. I am giving time to myself to pass this time and move on to the latter one. So, let’s just hope for the best.

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